we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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