i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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