2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
