but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
