my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
