i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
