hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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