How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
