My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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