It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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