I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
