Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
