Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
