I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
