I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
