apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize