Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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