just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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