erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
