That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
