I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
