I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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