why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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