just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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