these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
