I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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