you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
