i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
