i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So many bounce houses so little time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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