Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize