I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
