we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize