you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
