Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
