So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
