I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
