I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
