you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
