No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
