Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
