I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize