he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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