How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
