matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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