If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
