Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
