I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
