Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
