I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
do nipples grow back?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
