she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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