My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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