I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
