Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
