so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
