I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
farters have to be the big spoon...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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