Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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