What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
