She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
