A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
