Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
