i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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