your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize