I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize