We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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