never play flip cup with pint glasses
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
